Conciliation
by Kinkaju
Summary: Leafpool's crimes have devastated her Clan. Atonement comes through the spilling of blood. Warning: Suicide


Leafpool stared into the depths of the river, watching the current as it swept fiercely along. The sky was dark, but she couldn't see any stars.

That was okay. She didn't deserve to be in StarClan's presence. Not any more.

It had been a moon since the last Gathering. A moon since her lies had been revealed to all the Clans by Hollyleaf. So many lives had been ruined. Ashfur was dead. Squirrelflight had lost her mate. Crowfeather had lost the trust that he had worked so hard to regain after she had ripped it away from him the first time. Brambleclaw, poor Brambleclaw, had lost his family, the family that she had trapped him into without ever giving him a choice.

And worst of all, was her kits. Three innocent young cats, who had done nothing to ever deserve such torment, had had their entire world clawed apart right before their eyes. They were completely broken by the knowledge that everything that they had ever believed, their entire lives, had been a lie.

Her daughter was dead. Her sons were living a nightmare.

All because of her.

There was only one thing left for her to do now. There was only one way for a cat guilty of her crimes to atone.

Blood for blood. Life for life.

Lives had been lost because of her.

Her own life had to be sacrificed in turn.

That was why she was crouched beside the river at that moment, trying to summon up the courage to throw herself into its depths and drown.

It was only fair. Ashfur had spent his final moments choking to death in this river. She deserved such a fate far more than he had.

Or maybe she should go into the tunnels instead. To be crushed to death in the darkness and die alone like her daughter had. After all, it was her lies that had caused Hollyleaf to run away from the Clans, to run into the tunnels in a fit of broken grief and die a painful, frightening death. Her own daughter's blood was on her paws.

She should have just eaten the deathberries when the black warrior had told her to. Perhaps that would have brought the younger she-cat some comfort, to know that some justice had been done. Maybe then Hollyleaf would still be alive.

But no, she had refused. After all that she had done, she didn't even have the courage to answer for her crimes. She had refused to eat the deathberries because she was too cowardly. She was refusing to leap into the river for the same reason.

She willed herself to jump, to accept the fate that she deserved, but her treacherous mind refused to obey her. The survival instincts that she didn't deserve stubbornly fought to keep her worthless body alive. Her claws dug into the ground, keeping her firmly in place, stopping her from jumping.

Leafpool bowed her head in despair. It was just one jump, and she couldn't even do that right.

Coward. She was a coward. And a fox-heart. Because what kind of cat would still cling to life after ripping it away from their own kit?

"Leafpool?"

Leafpool whirled around. Squirrelflight was standing a few fox-lengths away from her.

"What are you doing here?", the ginger warrior asked in surprise.

Leafpool looked away, unwilling to bring herself to meet her sister's eyes.

"You shouldn't have followed me", she muttered.

"I didn't. I was out hunting when I picked up your scent. I checked to see what was going on and found you here. What's wrong?"

Leafpool forced herself to meet her sister's gaze. Her sister deserved that much, after all that she had suffered.

"I've failed, Squirrelflight. I've failed everyone. I've ruined everything. I... need to put things right. This is all I can do now." She turned her attention back to the river. Squirrelflight followed her gaze. Her green eyes widened as Leafpool's meaning hit her.

"No, you can't! That won't help anything!"

"Cats are dead because of me, Squirrelflight. Many more have had their lives ruined so badly that they probably wish they were dead too. You should know that better than anyone."

Squirrelflight's eyes darkened, and she looked away. Leafpool stared down at her paws. There was silence for a long moment.

Then Squirrelflight spoke again. "Yes, I do know. I was a good warrior. _I_ followed the warrior code my entire life, obeyed the laws of StarClan like most other cats do. But _you_ broke it, and I had to rescue you from the mess you got yourself into. You broke the warrior code, and Brambleclaw and I were the ones who had to suffer for your mistakes."

Her voice cracked with resentment and anguish, but she continued. "I had to lie to him for you. Trick him into raising kits that weren't his own for so many moons. I would have had to trick him for his entire life if Hollyleaf hadn't told the truth. Do you know how difficult that was? How much I regretted it every moment? But I did it anyway, for you. And do you know where it's gotten me?"

She let out a bitter laugh. "I've lost everything."

She looked back at Leafpool, and her eyes were confused. "Why?", she whispered. "Why is that? Why did I lose everything, when all I ever did was follow StarClan's will? Why did they punish me for that?"

Her voice was puzzled rather than angry, and somehow that hurt Leafpool even more.

"I don't know", Leafpool whispered, "But I do know that you never deserved it. It was my crime, not yours. It's all my fault. Oh Squirrelflight, I'm so sorry."

The darkness faded from Squirrelflight's eyes. "I know you are", she said, giving Leafpool an almost friendly flick with her tail.

Leafpool did not feel any better. "But it's not enough is it?", she whispered.

"No."

Leafpool glanced back at the river. The sky had grown darker, and Leafpool knew that soon StarClan would appear. She had to be gone by then. She did not deserve to look upon her ancestors again. She had disgraced herself to them.

"Will you help me?", she asked Squirrelflight.

Squirrelflight hesitated. As tortured as she was by all that Leafpool had done, the tabby she-cat was still her sister. Her littermate. They had been together their whole lives. In the old forest. On the Great Journey. In the new forest. Her sister had always meant everything to her. She had sacrified everything for her. She had lost everything for her. And she had never once complained about it, until now. For so many moons she had borne her sister's burden, carried the weight of the terrible secret everywhere with her. She had hated every moment of it, but she had borne it anyway, and with the quiet dignity of a noble warrior making a sacrifice for their Clan.

She had put her sister's needs before her own. Leafpool had not done the same for her when she had dropped her half-Clan kits onto her.

Leafpool was right. It was too late for her to repair all that had been lost. The only way for her to atone now was through death.

"Yes", Squirrelflight meowed slowly. "Yes, I'll help you."

Leafpool's amber eyes burned with relief. "Thank you", she murmured.

Slowly, the two of them turned towards the river. The current was strong, thrashing with all the power of TigerClan. Leafpool shivered. She was afraid.

Squirrelflight stared into the water. "Do you want me to push you in?", she asked.

Leafpool didn't answer. Her mind was filled with thoughts of drowning, of choking and struggling, of sinking below the surface of the cold, deep blackness. Terror ripped through her, raising every hair on her pelt. She flattened her ears and backed away from the water's edge, shaking her head frantically.

"I can't! I can't do it!", she wailed.

Squirrelflight's whiskers twitched in contempt, but she said nothing. Her sister had never been able to face up to her mistakes. She always chose to run away from them.

Leafpool's eyes slid to Squirrelflight's paws. "Maybe you should do it with your claws instead", she suggested.

"What, so that you can't run away from it?" Squirrelflight's voice held a hint of scorn.

Leafpool bowed her head. "I'm sorry, Squirrelflight. I really am. I'm weak. You know that."

Squirrelflight said nothing, only beckoned Leafpool back to her side with her tail. The tabby obeyed, padding reluctantly towards the larger she-cat until they were both beside the river once more.

The ginger warrior glanced at Leafpool's neck. "I'll keep taking care of Jayfeather and Lionblaze. They don't want anything to do with me, but I'll still make sure they're kept safe."

Leafpool nodded. "Thank you." She breathed in deeply. "I'm ready."

Squirrelflight unsheathed her claws. Leafpool shut her eyes.

"Tell Firestar and Sandstorm I'm sorry", she meowed, "And my kits. And Brambleclaw."

"I will."

"Tell the Clan I never wanted to hurt them."

"I will."

"I love you", Leafpool murmured. Her voice shook as her body trembled in fear.

Squirrelflight's claws grasped her head, tilting it to one side, and pain tore through Leafpool as her sister's fangs sank into her throat. Her eyes flew open and she uttered a choked yowl as blood streamed from her neck. Squirrelflight released her and stepped back. Leafpool dropped into an awkward crouch, still half-standing. She watched the ground beneath her turn scarlet, the red stream flowing from her until it joined the much larger current of the river nearby, turning the water closest to the two cats red.

Leafpool staggered. She felt weak. She glanced up at her sister. Squirrelflight had stepped closer until she was standing over her. Her green eyes were sad.

"I hope StarClan will accept you now", the ginger warrior rasped.

Leafpool couldn't answer. Her strength was rushing from her faster than the current beside her. She slumped to the ground as her legs gave way beneath her. Squirrelflight rolled her onto her back, so that they were face-to-face. Leafpool gazed tiredly into the green eyes above her, then past them at the few stars that had appeared in the sky. Would she join them? Or was she headed somewhere else? Perhaps to the forest where she had seen Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost meet Tigerstar?

Squirrelflight's tongue rasped across her face, the final gesture of affection that the two would ever share in this life, before she grasped Leafpool's fur in her jaws and heaved her body into the river. Leafpool wanted to speak, to say goodbye to the cat that had always stood by her. But there was no life left in her, and her strength had left her.

She had never had much of it, anyway.

* * *

 **AN: So I have mixed feelings when it comes to Leafpool. On one hand she is my favourite character and I feel that I have a lot in common with her, but on the other hand I view her a despicable Mary-Sue that constantly ruins the lives of other individuals through her lies and selfishness and never gets properly punished for it. I love her, but I strongly dislike Mary-Sues, so I don't know how to feel about her.**

 **In any case, I completely disagree with how lightly Leafpool was punished after the whole disaster involving her affair with Crowfeather and the results of that affair. Any other cat who had done the things that she did would have been exiled if not killed for it. But Leafpool is the pet of the authors, and so she gets to shove her mistakes onto other cats and carry on with her life while everyone else suffers because of her.**

 **My apologies to any Leafpool fans that are offended by this, but paternity fraud (what she did to Brambleclaw/star) in my view is a serious crime. It destroys lives in real life. I strongly disagree with the way that it was portrayed as a minor issue when committed by Leafpool and believe that she should have been severely punished for it.**

 **This fic is not intended as a hate-fic, but as a fic to have the character in question show the remorse for their actions that I do not believe were shown very well in canon. Canon Leafpool frequently _says_ sorry but rarely _does_ anything to prove it. I believe that this fic gave her a way to prove it.**


End file.
